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DAY 40 SOUL FAST – TELLING

22 Aug
DAY 40 SOUL FAST – TELLING

I LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT

This morning as I sat quietly, God reminded me that the only reason He spared me from the perils of the world, was so that I can tell about it.  Although I was a participant, I was also a witness to suffering.Yesterday, August 21st marked the twenty – fifth anniversary of Karyn Monique White’s death. She was my road dog. We were determined to ride or die – and she did. She was shot to death when we were twenty – five years old. The last time her mother saw her alive was the day I drove her up to the family’s beautiful home nestled in the hills above what was then Cal State Hayward.  She was her parents only child. I was embarrassed to find out through conversation that her mother had worked side by side with my Dad. She was gracious to me and never spoke a word of admonition to me. The fact that she knew who my father was and what he stood for was enough to choke me up as dropped my head in shame. We visited for awhile and she unpacked all of her perfumes and other things Karyn wanted and sent her with the newly bought things she wanted her to have.

The trendy blue jean jumpsuit that Mrs. White had given Karyn was the one she chose to wear that day. That morning as the two of got into my little Fiat Spider, Karyn shared a dream she had the night before. She said that she couldn’t see my face but everything indicated that I had been shot. She said she picked me up, Karyn was 5’10” tall, and ran with me through the streets looking for a hospital, blood was everywhere. That day was unlike any I’ve experienced before or since. I had the strangest sensation. A feeling I just couldn’t shake. She asked me to take her to three different places. When she’d start to get out of the car, I’d stop her, and tell her not to go. My voice was the one, she’d always hear. I wouldn’t leave her there and for the stuff she was doing she needed me to. As it turned out at each place an ambush lay waiting for her. Night finally came., we’d been driving around all day. We ended up of all places in the parking lot of a Mortuary, waiting for someone.  The feeling that had all that day was so intense that I was spooked. We had to get out of there. I put my car in gear and sped forward. I forgot that I was parked in front of a cement parking block – all I see was the street. My car was very low and the manifold to my engine cracked as I ran over it. We made it into the traffic but my car was loud. We had to park and call for a ride. We went to a safe house. The car that was sent for us was a two seater Mercedes. I had to wait for it’s return – it never did. I never saw Karyn alive again. I had to take her belonging back to her mother, to sit with her, and answer the many questions she had. She had heard many rumors and she looked to me for the truth. I did for Karyn what I hoped someone would do for me. I discounted the truth of what I knew. Her mother was suffering enough in her grief losing her only child. I could not see how disclosing the hard facts of Karyn’s life would be beneficial – it would only cause her mother more pain. I didn’t heart to do it. If I was wrong, I’m prepared to answer for it on judgment day.

GOD USED

Until this very moment, I’ve never spoken about Karyn or what happened to her. That incident was something I stuffed deeper within me. A heavy weight on my soul that I’ve carried with me for twenty-five years. I don’t know what it’s true impact on my life has been. I don’t know why God would stir it up and have me regurgitate it now. six days before my fiftieth birthday.  What I do know is that God has used everything that I’ve gone thru for someone’s good. Somebody’s got to be a witness, to recount the story just as it was. I probably will never know who needed to hear this bit of my testimony, why they needed to hear it or how it will impact their lives. The telling helped me, my spirit feels lighter.  What comes to mind is this verse of scripture (personalized), “And I overcame him, the enemy of my soul, by the word of my testimony…” Rev. 12:11. What the enemy has tried to use throughout my life to destroy me, God has circumvented and used for the good of others and His glory. Because I stand victorious, enduring continuously until the end, somebody had been inspired, found hope, and knows that God is real!

 

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