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Monthly Archives: July 2014

DAY 28 SOUL FAST-POTENTIAL

DAY 28 SOUL FAST-POTENTIAL

Potential is the segue between where I am and where God wants me to be. A continuum to my destination. In other words more consistent, intentional action is required of me until arrive. I don’t believe that happenstance will deliver me to destiny’s door. If that were true I would have already arrived. Nor would I have to spend the countless hours each week that I do preparing myself for the new. The Book says it best, “…I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before, I pursue toward the goal for the prize to which God in Christ Jesus has called me upward.” Philippians 3:13-14. And the mission for today, continues…

 

 

 

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DAY 27 SOUL FAST – LEGISLATING

DAY 27 SOUL FAST – LEGISLATING

I AM WHO GOD SAYS I AM

Over these past many weeks of this 40 Day Soul Fast, one of my biggest challenges has been believing the God who I believe; and believing who I am in Him. Believing who I am beyond intellect, on a heart level – in my soul. The revelation – the epiphany for me was that until I believed that I am who God says I am, at my core that I would never possess the spiritual power to do what God says I can do through Christ. Understanding this regulates my fundamental ability to legislate as an heir to the Kingdom of God. To declare and decree with authority. When I got it, it made me truly realize that my words that I speak have tremendous power and are the catalyst to destiny as long as they are spoken from a pure heart, intent and motive. Declaring the word of God in line with His will over my life, my loved ones and situations to bring manifestation of His plan and/or to bring about change in the world. God meant for the power of His word in my mouth to extend beyond me.

RESPONSIBILITY

Now here’s the hard part – where the struggle takes place for me –  R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y for that! It’s all mine. How far I evolve in Christ, is directly connected to me being responsible for my own existence as a Spiritual being. It’s one thing to understand who I am but it’s quite another to walk in it. To walk in the right shoes on a daily basis. To put on the Melba God has destined me to be; not the one He found on the side of the road.  First of all it has meant placing a value on it. It has to have meaning to me. I protect that which I value most. I’m reminded of this verse in the Book, “Do not give that which is holy (the sacred thing) to the dogs, and do not throw your pearls before hogs, lest they trample upon them with their feet and turn and tear you to pieces.” Matthew 7:6 AMP. How many times has that happened to me? My relationship with God is sacred – holy. I don’t have to justify it but I must treasure it. It’s complex enough understanding all the dynamics myself. It’s not necessary for me to hold it up for scrutiny, ridicule or examination. In fact it’s the measuring tool by which everything else in my life should be evaluated and set in order. Perhaps the larger issue for me is being fully responsible for the truth of my life that it reveals. Being set apart to God and for the work of the Kingdom is the highest honor I can attain, when I put everything in perspective. So why is it that I’ve made this journey called life harder than it needed to be?

 
 

DAY 26 SOUL FAST – INTEGRITY

DAY 26 SOUL FAST – INTEGRITY

SOME DAYS I JUST DON’T FEEL IT

In spite of my difficulties today with people “who don’t know me like that until they need me like that;” my test of personal integrity is based on what’s right according to my belief system. Thank goodness it has nothing to do with my emotions; however they do make it a bit dicey at times. Everyday I don’t wake up on the sunny side of the street singing “que sera sera.” It seems like I’m never entitled to have a bad day; therefore, I must be careful on those days not to answer the phone, door, send or receive text messages. I answered the phone today – it kept ringing. Somebody just wouldn’t leave well enough alone;however, I think I was able to recover from it. God has set the bar for me high. I’m required to do what’s right in the moment when frustration and disappointment are sitting next to me.  When human frailties of character are unveiled. I have to keep my word, when people conveniently forget what they agreed to – what they promised to do. I have to be there, when they can’t be there for me this one time that I need them to and my life almost depends on it. Integrity is consistently looking beyond me to the object of God’s love and reaffirming my YES even on the days I’m not feeling it!

 
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Posted by on July 28, 2014 in Christianity, Life, Uncategorized

 

BELONGING – ADDENDUM

BELONGING – ADDENDUM

What I learned over this weekend beyond the obvious of my need to belong to the one who’s greater than myself – God; is the real importance of belonging to a network of  people who may be at different places in the Journey but nevertheless are on a Journey. All of us were made uniquely different with a different role to play to bring into fulfillment God’s ultimate plan. I may be an ear, another a finger, someone else a nose. All just important to the Body of Christ. Gone are the days of big You’s and little me’s we are all just as important. I may in fact have a word but so does the guy sitting next to me. It’s only when my heart is open, can I receive what the next person has for me. Collaboration, networking, fellowship, companionship, friendship, connection, support i.e. relationship within the Kingdom is a very good thing. Our strength is in togetherness.

 
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Posted by on July 28, 2014 in Christianity, Life, Uncategorized

 

AND GOD SAID LET THERE BE GUMBO…

AND GOD SAID LET THERE BE GUMBO…

Had a wonderful day, with family and friends at a beautiful beach. It was great getting away after an exhausting move and a short, but long week. I was walking along the shore, the light from the sun hitting the waves just right, and to my absolute surprise, I say a crab surfing atop the waves as the tide went out. Without even giving it a second thought, I ran in after him and snatched him up with my bare hands. He looked too good and was too close to let get away. He looks like Gumbo to me! 🙂 I’m still just a Southern girl who just happened to be born in California. It really doesn’t take a whole lot for me. It’s always the simple, uncomplicated things that I find the most pleasure in. I took this crab as God’s gift to me today, for which I am most appreciative.

 

 

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DAY 25 SOUL FAST – BECOMING

DAY 25 SOUL FAST – BECOMING

Stepping into God’s capacity, His plan is a bit overwhelming. It requires of me complete trust in Him and being comfortable with being uncomfortable. Being willing to ride or die with Him beyond the finite possibilities of my own mind into the infinite realm of possibility that is beyond any impossibility that I could ever imagine. Beyond my desire for myself into His desire for me. I cannot realistically imagine the future that awaits me – that’s already been shaped, formed, sculpted by the Creator of the Universe. To become who I already am!

 

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DAY 24 SOUL FAST – BELONGING

DAY 24 SOUL FAST – BELONGING

I WAS ALWAYS DIFFERENT

Growing up, I was shy, quiet and introverted. I was the kid that sat on the bench by myself for the most part watching the other kids play.  Always wanting social interaction, but always passed by for someone else that appeared to have more or be better. Back in the day,  before Baby Momma’s/Daddy’s, my mom was they only divorcee in our neighborhood. She was shunned by the other women in the neighborhood who were so insecure in their marriages that they thought that one of their husbands might in fact be crazy enough to leave them for a woman with six (count em) kids! She worked at a thankless job as a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) and struggled to raise us six by herself. My Daddy was in earshot, so to speak, for emergencies but he was absent. My Mom had to buck up; to be everything and provide everything we needed. We didn’t have much more than each other.  I had a poor self image, low self esteem and didn’t value myself much. I always walked with my head down. At the time, I couldn’t see a reason to look up. 

I did have a handful of friends, who for one reason or another were out of the playground loop as well. We were all misfits. Perhaps this general lack of belonging gave us all a sense of camaraderie. We felt safe with one another.  We would comfort and reassure each other when one of us was subjected to teasing or attempted bullying. Nevertheless,  Elementary School,  was a struggle to survive. Because I didn’t belong and had no older siblings to protect me, there was always some kid who was bigger or a member of the dominating cliques, who felt as if they could arbitrarily lash out or take their bad day out on me.  Mostly kids from the projects who saw me as someone they thought they could victimize. What they found out,  was although I was little in size, I had the heart of a lion along with a brother who had the foresight to know that I would be picked on and taught me how to box. I hated to fight; however, being a “Smith” it was against our code to not stand up for myself and take a beat down. I don’t know what rule number it was, but my mother told me that I was never to put my hands on anyone — to start a fight, but I better finish it if it came to me.  Nor was it allowed for me to be chased from the school yard home. So in the tough urban hood I grew up in, every single day, I was challenged; and every single day I was obligated to return fire.  I was always different, when what I wanted most, was to just belong.

CAN’T LIVE IN THE WORLD BY MYSELF

My upbringing conditioned me to live in the world by myself. A very lonely existence.  Even when I was surrounded by people, I felt alone. Other people seemed to be having fun — enjoying life. I was an active observer to their process. I didn’t want to live in the world by myself. I longed for a larger circle of friends and engagement. I picked up some habits that would prove to be harder to stop doing than they were to start.  In my quest to belong to something or someone larger than myself. I lost myself in the superficiality of life lived in the fast lane. What I discovered, when I was well immersed in the world, was that I wasn’t willing to continue being and doing the things that I had to do to be apart of that team. Waking up next to a stranger in the morning and not remembering how I got there because I had drank too much, didn’t give me a warm and fuzzy sense of belonging. It made me feel empty, dirty and low down. In retrospect, I’m thankful that my recklessness didn’t cost me my life. That I didn’t wake up with an incurable or deadly disease. 

 

THE COURAGE TO BE ME

I don’t know who that nameless, faceless person is who gets to decide for us all who we need to be to belong. What they’ve done is put barriers between people rather than give us the freedom to be who we are and allow others to be who they are; appreciate our differences, and find a commonality within each other which would allow us as a people to love one another. Living this life is rugged enough without the undue pressure of conforming to a standard of so called perfection that’s unrealistic even for those who seem to have a jump start on it. I’m so glad that God doesn’t require me to be something or someone I’m not in order to gain His love. That is to say that God does not, Christians, still people sometimes place conditions on their love. It’s not Biblical, but it is what it is. After living life outside the loop, I’ve learned to fend for myself, to stand alone if need be. What falls under the “need be” is,  if to belong requires that I give up my identity of who I am – I’m good. I’m a unique individual. God created me as He wanted me to be: curly hair, brown skin, almond shaped brown eyes, wide nose, and full lips. He made me not too tall but tall enough to do anything I want or need to do. He shaped me perfectly to conceive, deliver and produce the children He wanted  me to birth into the Kingdom.  All three are replica of myself…that is the God in me. If I’m good enough for Him just as I am, I’m okay with that, even if it means that I belong only to Him.

 

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