As week two comes to an end, I feel as if God has set a machete on the table before me as He looks at my hand. I knew going into the Soul Fast there would have to be some amputations. I was fortunate in that a couple of the things that I knew needed to be cut away actually fell away on their own. It was a bit uncomfortable but not too because I really wasn’t emotionally attached to them. Now on day ten, I’m confronted with the fact that I have to amputate a limb. It’s something that God won’t do for me, I have to do it myself. Something that has been a part of me for four decades that I can’t carry any further. It has been something that has comforted me, been with me through difficulties but nevertheless is a bad habit. An impediment to my relationship with God. When I was in the world, I was thoroughly immersed in it. I can honestly say that I have completed my repertoire of sin. I did everything that I thought I wanted to do. I have seen mankind at his worst, which includes me and the life I once lived. When I take that into account it has established a protocol by which I’ve given myself permission to hold on to this one thing that I consider small in the scheme of things. However, the Book says that it’s the little foxes that spoil the vine. For I know that little sin can be a bridge back to a dark place within myself that I don’t want to go. God in his infinite GOODNESS has never extracted from me what my sin deserved.
The foundational element in this Soul Fast is detoxifying my soul. Cleansing my thoughts and purging my life of any habits or behaviors that prevent the light of God from shining in me. How can I radiate God’s light and goodness to the world if I’m living in darkness? I live in a world that says that I can live any way that I choose to and still serve God. How can that be so when the world’s systems and values are a direct contradiction of what God is about and stands for? My mother used to say that what I do in the dark will eventually come to the light. God will eventually expose sin. For me it has always come at the most inopportune time, usually when I’ve gotten comfortable with it enough to think that I wouldn’t be found out. I’ve watched it on a grand scale in ministry with Jim and Tammy Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart and the late Zachary Timms. Sometimes sin can literally be the death of us. When they were exposed, the impact of if reached far beyond themselves. Families were shattered, congregations were devastated, faith in God was destroyed and all the good works their ministries did were brought into question.
In a nutshell, repentance is turning away from what’s not working and embracing what is. For me God’s goodness is the catalyst to my repentance. I don’t want to do anything or live in a way that would hurt Him or destroy my witness of everything He is and has been to me. I want to share that goodness with every person that I meet who is open to receiving it.