The worst state that I’ve ever been in, is when, by choice, I was disconnected with God. When I turned and walked away from him choosing rather to run on self will and do what I wanted to do. After all I was grown. Mother Teresa once said,
The biggest problem facing the world today is not people dying in the streets of Calcutta, and not inflation, but spiritual deprivation…this feeling of emptiness associated with feeling separate from God, and from all our sisters and brothers on planet earth
My choices left a huge, gaping hole in my soul that nothing in this world could fix. No amount of partying, shopping, working or material things could replace God’s presence in my life. I equate it to running away from a loving home, realizing your mistake, but refusing to go home because of pride and needing to be right. What I found was that just as any loving parent. God was only a phone call (prayer) away.
I thank God every day that I’m not there anymore; however, I’m not where I want to be in my relationship with God. Today’s reading is on CONNECTING or reconnecting with God; allowing Him to work out all the things in my life that are separating me from having that level of depth and intimacy that I desire. Now comes the real questions that I must ask myself. Am I willing to pick up my cross and follow Him? Do I have the courage to face myself and examine my life from the inside out? Am I willing to eliminate the junk in my life? Am I willing to deal with my issues in a proactive way? Do I have the CAPACITY to encounter God on a daily basis and hold up my end of the relationship? Much of the relationship has been lopsided. He’s always given more than He’s gotten from me. However, what He’s given me has been based on my capacity to receive. So what I intuitively know is that He has much more to give of Himself to me if I will only enlarge my capacity to receive it.